Ghosting

The ghoster seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth, as if the person never existed. Is it fear, conflict avoidance, loss of interest, underlying personal problems or simply disrespect? In any case, it is a nasty phenomenon, the aftermath of which often leads to confusion and uncertainty. I too have been a victim of it at times. Question marks still regularly rack my brain.

Ghosting is not only a problem in personal relationships, but increasingly so in business contacts. Take this story. At an event, I saw an old acquaintance walking around. I noticed that he was busy trying to speak to as many people as possible. On his slightly too white trainers, he hopped from one group to another. Whether people were animatedly talking or not, he squeezed in. A type who likes to be thought important. We (re)know them.

At the exit, I already had my coat on and just wrapped a scarf around my neck, we bumped into each other. After chatting pot, he invited me to join him soon. 'I'm working on something big and need your help'. Somewhere in the distance, a red flag was flying. This man had put me to work once before and that assignment had suddenly fallen through for unclear reasons. But I gave him (and myself) the benefit of the doubt.

A week later, we were sitting in his company's trendy canteen. He spoke agitatedly. An agency was already working, the order confirmation had been signed, but he had no confidence in it. Now if I could just come up with a much better proposal he would work out that other agency. His eyes twinkled. 'Come up with something great, all-important, you have 101 contacts, don't you?' I asked, 'So there is no trust in that other agency but there is a commission? How is that possible?' He was silent and looked around nervously to make sure no one was listening in. 'It's not my idea, but from the director himself,' he confided to me. Aha, there was the catch. This man had been sidelined and now wanted to make his comeback. With my idea. Without credits. Purely to save himself. 'Take a week to think it over and I'll come and see you next week.' He nodded encouragingly. I suspect I looked reserved.

Of course he didn't show up. And when I called him he stammered that I had mistaken the date. 'How annoying, then I'll come next week'. That was a month ago now. Lacking the decency to cancel nicely, he opted for the indifference of ghosting. I got the urge to inform his director. I didn't. Still, it keeps bubbling. Maybe I'll do it after all. And you know? Maybe I should just do that too.

Marianne Kuiper
Founder Efficient Hotel Partner & Music Meeting Lounge
Intermediary in finding and booking the perfect location